Fat Albert....

Fat Albert teaches statistics at the local college. Talking to some of his (female) students leads me to believe that he's a fairly good teacher, which doesn't surprise me much. I mean, he is anal, and I believe that that's the one sure sign of a good statistician. He likes to look at statistics, no matter how straight-forward they may be, and draw some rather wild conclusions from them. Let's have an example, ok? I know that statisticians love examples.

Let's say that your poor old drinking buddy, Blue, enters a bunch of cross races one year. Let's say that he's out having a good time busting his ass just to have fun and that he finishes DFL in (almost) every race he enters. Suppose that not all of the people that he races against participate in every race of the season but that your poor old drinking buddy does. You must also assume that your poor old drinking buddy finishes every race that he enters and that some of the other people who start the race don't. Also assume that your poor old drinking buddy participates in every race in the state during that season. Are you with me so far? You should also know that your poor old drinking buddy sometimes stops during the race to talk to friends, family, extended family, team mates, acquaintences, or other interesting people that he sees on the course, and occasionally stops to talk to hecklers, and may have stopped a time or two to drink beer with some of the antagonists on the run-ups and such. He also may have stopped a time or two to help other racers who threw a chain or had other mechanical difficulties while participating in an event. He might have stopped by the barriers during one race to dance with a stranger who simply appeared that she wanted to dance.

Anyway, just because your poor old drinking buddy did these things, oops! May have done these things, should you take the coveted title of Lanterne Rouge away from him?

I'm feeling persecuted by my buddy Fat Albert because he's trying to "prove", by using statistics and records, that I didn't finish DFL. Just because the state standings say I wasn't actually DFL and the DICE standings say I wasn't DFL, doesn't mean that I wasn't DFL. Right? Seriously. Think about it. Should Blue be penalized just because someone else who entered a race didn't finish, or because someone else didn't race in all of the races available? It doesn't seem right that he be docked for things such as these which are obviously well beyond his control. Make sense? Besides, 93.2% of all statistics are made up on the spot.

So here's the deal.... Let's vote on this. If you guys post a comment saying yes regarding my claim to the title Lanterne Rouge for the 2008 CX season, and there are more yes votes than no votes, I get 2 sixers of Guinness from Fat Albert. That only seems fair since he has caused me great mental anguish over these last weeks by claiming that I am not entitled to the title I fought so valiantly for and which I titled myself with. Of course you can vote no, if you so desire, but why would you? If the no's outnumber the yes' at 6 p.m. central time on Friday (though I can't see getting any no votes) he'll still give me two sixers of Guinness but I'll share it with him. Sounds fair, right? (Please remember the part about "mental anguish" and show some sympathy)

I believe that I've stated my case quite clearly so now it's time to vote. Vote soon and vote often. Thank you.

Remember, 97.2% of all statistics are made up on the spot! :)

Ride safe.

Peace out, yo!